My daily conversations with God for the past few months have been blunt and to the point. “God, I don’t want to go. Send somebody else. My job is to stay here — home — right where I want to be.” I’ve thought of excuse after excuse as to why I’m not the right person to be going on this trip. And, I thought my excuses were pretty good, too!
“God, you know for a fact that I don’t have the money.” His reply to this was simple and quick. “Here you go….a friend has just donated the money for you to go!” All I could think was, “Why? Now why did he do that?!?!? Why did he have to give that money for me?”
“I’m way too old for this trip and I won’t be able to climb up into the truck while traveling to villages or spend long days in the sweltering heat.” My doctor, after examining me said, “You must be doing something right. Your health checks out better than it has in years. Keep up the great work!” Another excuse went down the drain. I can’t believe this! God thinks I can survive the steaming heat while packed together like sardines on a rickety truck in a foreign land. Are you kidding me? “God, this is a joke, right?”
“My kids will miss me and I’m needed right here at home. You know how much they need me, God. Besides, there are birthdays in March and a new grandbaby is due to be born.” Well, God must have laughed at that one! Five of my kids are going on this trip to Haiti — that’s half of my family. In fact, they are the ones planning this trip! And, so God wins out on this one, too. “Listen to me child. You’re going to be with your family! This is going to be great!” I had no answer for God on this one.
“I’m not in a strong enough place emotionally to see any kind of human suffering.” Oh, God showed me how wrong I was on this excuse, too! My children have had a year of unbelievable pain. Never in a million years would I have ever imagined the trials our family would be asked to endure. And, you guessed it. God made sure I stayed strong so that I could be “mom” and “gram” to my hurting children.
“God, I give up! You win! I’m going on this trip, but I’m afraid…..I’m afraid you’ve called on the wrong person.”
It is now forty seven days until a team of thirteen, myself included, will depart for Haiti to spend time with precious souls. I’m trying to pump myself up for this, but I’ve got to tell you that I really am afraid. I’m not even sure of what. Everything, I guess. And, so I’m going to write my thoughts each day and have you, my friends, join me for what will no doubt be the most life-changing event of my life!
I’m feeling pretty wimpy right now, but God seems to think I can do this. He and I are still debating, and so far He’s winning. Stick with me and let’s see what all He has in store for this old granny!
PS The picture posted here is my daughter, Stephanie, on one of her trips to Haiti. She absolutely, positively radiates God’s love. Maybe, just maybe, God wants me to do a little radiating, too!