What’s this crazy feeling I have?

Have you ever gotten hit with a feeling and you don’t really know what it is? You feel kinda sick, no energy, can’t sleep right……nothing feels or seems right…and there’s some kind of “nagging” that just won’t go away? I think we probably can all identify. I know I sure can!

That very thing has happened to me time and time again, and I just could never pinpoint what it was until about 5 years ago. It’s GRIEF. GRIEF. Yep, GRIEF! I don’t even like the sound of that word!!!!

I used to get that sick ache in my stomach as a kid when my parents would argue and fight. I got that same awful feeling when I didn’t complete a homework assignment in school on time and got into trouble. I got that feeling when my 13-year-old sister died (and I was only 15). That was REALLY bad!!! “That feeling” stayed for at least two years, and I had no clue what to call it. Grief wasn’t even a word in the dictionary back then — at least I sure never heard that word being used in school!

That same “crazy feeling” came over me when my first child got married and moved away. My stomach ached and I felt awful. Nothing that the doctor could diagnose, but I knew I just didn’t feel right. So, is grief what you call heartache?

I think so many of us hurt inside and we don’t know what to call it and we sure don’t know how to deal with “it”! That “it” is grief, and it’s tough. It can rip us apart, flatten us, and leave us feeling like we’ve been beaten up.

I’ll be talking more about this in different blogs, but for now I just want to say that the first step to “healing” is knowing how to identify this thing called grief. If you have no real physical illness that can be diagnosed by a doctor, and if you’ve had some kind of major life change going on, then I’d say you are probably experiencing grief. It stinks. It hurts. It makes you feel like garbage. BUT……………………it does get better! I promise you. It takes time, and it takes talking, and it takes work, but it does get better.

If you’re going through something that is a grief to you right now, take time to write down your thoughts on a piece of paper. Then, share with someone how much you hurt. Find others who have gone through similar experiences as you’re going through. Then, line up your support…..any friends you can find who will listen and be a help! And, read, read, read all you can to help you find ways to cope.

What helped me? Getting out among nature. I LOVE taking walks in the woods, looking at the moon and twinkling stars, watching flowers bloom, feeling the soft breeze of springtime touch my face. The more you surround yourself with positive, healing, hopeful things, the more your mind will be saturated with thoughts of healing. Hang in there!!! Work hard!!! Trust your gut and do what is best for you!! And, remember….”it will get better!”

Clara Hinton


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